The Deepest Thirst
“MOTHER IS WATER" - Poem by Suzy Kassem
I wish I could
Shower your head with flowers
And anoint your feet with my tears,
For I know I have caused you
So much heartache, frustration and despair –
Throughout my youthful years.
I wish I could give you
The remainder of my life
To add to yours,
Or simply erase
The lines on your face,
And mend all that has been torn.
For next to God,
You are the fire
That has given light
To the flame in each of my eyes.
You are the fountain
That nourished my growth,
And from your chalice –
Gave me life.
Without the wetness of your love,
The fragrance of your water,
Or the trickling sounds of
I shall always feel
One of my dear friends posted this week on Facebook a beautiful and haunting photograph taken in the final moments of her mother's life. She is holding her mama's thinned, frail hand one final time. Seeing her photo welled up sorrow inside me thinking about that same moment with my own mother someday down life's road. It is a thought I refuse to stay on; too terrible for my fragile heart and mind to grasp, too difficult to control the emotions around it, so I shut it down before it gains traction and runs me over full-speed.
God has blessed me with the kind of mom that Hallmark writes those racks and racks of Mother's Day cards for. If I bought every one of them they still would not scrape the top layer as to how wonderful and amazing she is. The above poem struck me deep and speaks just to how I feel. Without my Mom, I too, "shall always feel thirsty". She fills a need in me that nobody else ever could and the knowing that she will one day be gone hurts deeper than most anything I can think of.
In the past few days I have talked to many women about motherhood. What it has done for them and to them, taken from them, and given them and what it has birthed deep within them; things they can barely describe. And there are those women with broken wombs and broken hearts, never able to have a child with the aching lack that throbs loud and with cruel vigor, especially when this day celebrating all things motherhood arrives. The thirst is profound.
This day is complicated, as all human-things are. There are also the many that never had the bond with their moms that is touted as typical and worthy of a greeting card. I mean, you don't see dark Mother's Day cards that read: "Hey Mom, I sure wish you loved me as I deserved - epic fail." Or, "For my mother: It would have been nice to know you, but you never spent the time"...
The shadowy, heart cracking truth of the Mother's Day matter is; not everyone was mothered well. Some people have been hurt deeply by the one they should have been able to trust most. Some feel forgotten altogether. As a mother and a woman who was and is held well by her own beautiful mother, let me say - I am truly sorry if what I have just described above is your truth. But also, let's flip that coin over and reveal another, deeper truth - God loves you. He is the paternal, maternal and the eternal parent of us all and He will never leave, never do us harm and always, always hold us well:
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you." (ESV)
No matter what this day may rise up in you, let those words settle down deep and low in a place unshakable. God sees you, hears you and holds you from before your time began until there is no end.
And, knowing this, you will never thirst again.
Question: What does this day look like for you? If it is sweet, celebrate that and the mama you love and the children you hold dear. And if it is bitter, pray it out to the One who sees, hears, and holds you as a loving mother who adores you and will never let you go