Project SEEN 

I struggle with codependency, depression, anxiety, love & relationships & emotional overeating. I wanted to share a bit about my own struggles with mental health. To utter those words is even difficult to say out loud. Maybe because “mental” is a term we use and it determines someone that may be labeled as crazy. These stigmas need to change. I’m here to be a part of that change. If you know me personally, you’d know I am a caring & sensitive person. I love big and am soft-hearted. An Empath by definition. This has had its challenges in life. I noticed early on in my elementary years that losing a pet, which was my first walk with grief was not an easy one. I cried a lot and my heart felt like it was broken into a million pieces. I was molested as a child, at 5 years old, 7 and 9. Two of these cases went to court. Neither of them we won. I was viewed as a trouble maker and a liar. One of my abusers was my 2nd grade teacher and he didn’t even lose his job. I was just moved to another classroom. My parents divorced when in the 3rd grade. I was a daddy’s girl and took it to heart. I was struggling and was to say the very least, extremely hurt. This showed up in my dating life. At a young age I was very drawn to boys. The wrong kind however. Ones who were just like my dad. Handsome, charming, hard working yet unfaithful & deceiving. In high school break ups I took far too personal. Just crushed and not able to bounce back like my friends seem to. I realized then I struggled with depression. I became a single mom at 22. The father of my son was not active in our lives. I felt very alone, hurt and rejected. As did my son, AJ. My dad and his family also disowned me because my son was born out of wedlock and biracial. It felt like a double whammy on rejection. I lost my father at age 27. It was then that I was clinically diagnosed depressed. To see it in print and on a bottle was devastating. I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter and mourning the loss of my dad. Not an easy time. I was in the middle of a horribly abusive marriage to top it off. After 10 long, painful years we were experiencing our own divorce. Again leaving not just AJ and I feeling rejected and hurt but now my second child, Kaily. Kaily and I ended up in domestic violence shelter for 4 months in 2008. On Fridays however, the group of ladies went to Celebrate Recovery, a biblical 12 step plan. It was there that I began to heal through the grace of God. It was the community I needed. I didn’t have family near by. CR was my family! My favorite step in CR is the inventory, step 4. It’s where the rubber meets the road. Time does not heal us. God does! We have to do our part though. In 2009, I was desperately trying to pull it together for my kids’ sake. I then had my third child, as a single mom once again. I was doing it on my own. I worked hard and provided for my 3 kids. Work became very stressful. I found myself needing the help of anti depressants. I have had lots of Christian counseling in the past as well. I lead a 12 step for codependency. I attended and lead a small group in Heart Change ministry in Oregon City. My faith has kept me together. I have a sense of peace even in my storms. In 2018 I was hit with hearing of my son’s struggle with addiction. He was spiraling and became very depressed. He came back home at age 25 after living away from home for 5 years. He did journal, paint and work out. That helped him for a time. Unfortunately, after 3 years (that we know of) he took his own life. We were staring at it head on as far as how serious mental health is. It truly is a life or death situation. I am now riding out some serious highs and lows. I am trying to help navigate with my daughters through this tough journey as well. I enrolled Ali my 14 year old in counseling for that first year, and playing sports have really helped her. She plays soccer and basketball. We have over 2.5 years under our belt with the loss of my son. What gets me through? Prayers, hope & focusing on our future. Doing the work. We have done family counseling. We have done individual and group. There is a great ministry called Good Samaritan for free counseling. There is another group ministry called Griefshare. The girls and I attended a 4 day work shop for families in mourning.-Abba’s Child at Rockaway beach. I have also used light therapy, exercise, recovery, relied on the help of anti depressants & supplements too. I am currently studying for my Real Estate license. I have completed the schooling required. 150 hours. Now, all I have to do is pass the final exam. I also have met such s caring, loving man at my church. So devoted to the Lord. Jason has brought such joy to me and the girls’ lives. Can’t wait to see where this goes. His strong sense of loyalty has really helped heal my broken heart. God is good and brings people in our lives to walk with us. That by far is Jason. I’m not claiming to have all the answers but what I would say to someone who is struggling is don’t give up. Find what works for you. Throwing in the towel is not the answer. If anyone has questions or needs help, please reach out. Praying for those who continue to struggle, there is always a light at the end of every dark tunnel. Stay hopeful - many love you. Even when you don’t feel it. Feelings are not reality sometimes. The word tells us to: “Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ ‭AMP‬‬ Our mind plays tricks on us. If you are battling please reach out before it’s too late. Thanks for listening to my story.

Jennifer's Story

I was ready to start my family after graduating with a MS in Environmental Engineering. But we never seemed to get pregnant. Month after month passed but still no bundle of joy. Those around to me were having kids (some that shouldn’t). That hurt. We did a million tests to figure out what might be causing our infertility. My husband checked out fine, but I was dissatisfied with the lack of answers from the doctors. My body was supposed to work. It is my biological destiny to create new life within me, yet I couldn’t make my body work the way I wanted it to. I had a collection of symptoms, but never about what the root case might be. As a hail Mary move, I went on a toxic weight loss medication & lost 30 pounds. Hey! That was cool. Then I got pregnant with my first in 2011. I lost him at 20 weeks gestation. Again, the doctors couldn't tell me why he died. Then I decided to try again a few months later, took the same medication, lost another 30 pounds & became pregnant with my daughter in 2012. Thankfully, she was born healthy to term with no apparent effects from the weight loss medication. I was so grateful for a beautiful baby girl. Then about 2 years later, we decided it was time to grow our family. Again, we struggled with infertility. One day I sat down next to another mom at a play group & we started talking. After listening to my story about infertility, she suggested I try essential oils to help support my hormones. I was wary - I started with one oil & that wasn’t ‘working’. So I tried a second oil - still not ‘working’ (though I only gave it a few weeks - SILLY ME)! Then I decided to jump all in & purchased the starter bundle in 2015. I decided to live a healthier lifestyle by eating better, exercising, using only green cleaners & supporting my body systems & emotions with essential oils, I became pregnant with my second daughter born in January 2017. It worked! The Young Living lifestyle of health & wellness is a journey - so TOTALLY WORTH IT. I’m open to sharing more with you so feel free to contact me.

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